my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
