dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
