Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
