you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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