he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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