Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
