omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
tell me about the fingering
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
