I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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