So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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