Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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