If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
