If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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