I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize