Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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