Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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