not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So much rum. So many feels.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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