Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
