i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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