He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
