yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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