Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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