Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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