I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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