dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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