Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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