Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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