what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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