Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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