Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
