he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
