I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
