Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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