He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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