i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
