is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
