Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
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