I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
