my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
