The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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