I could make wine with my vomit
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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