i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
