haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Plan B is the new Plan A
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
