Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
my nose is crying tears of wow.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
