wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
