no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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