Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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