we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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