just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize