Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
