Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
