Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
