So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
