If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
