I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
