i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
