my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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