people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize