I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
