This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
