Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
