It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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