you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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