I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
