she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
