Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
