I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
