I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize