This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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