Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm bleeding and have questions
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
