I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
