When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
