i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
