the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
