I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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