____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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