Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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