You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
